I had big plans for #RPGaDAY this year... I was going to do the whole 'two birds, one stone' thing and try to get some practice in drawing comics - I used to draw and publish comics about 25 years ago and since then I've hardly set pen to paper, and I really wanted to get back into doing something creative like that. It would also mean I could do #RPGaDAY without people having to see my aging and ridiculous face over and over again on Youtube...
The best laid plans. Maybe I'll still do it and catch up if I get chance.
Anyway, life kinda got in the way, and awful things have happened. But I'm still going to try and take part as much as I can, even if it's just as blog posts.
So... Day One - FIRST RPG bought this year.
I've bought a few this year, not too many. But I honestly can't remember what was the first. There's a good chance it was either the Fiery Angels adventure supplement for Blade Runner, which we played through before I read it, and it was amazing. Totally gripping, and there was a brilliant rug-pull moment of failing a Voight-Kampf test even though my character was human and starting to really question my reality...
Or, it was an eBay purchase of a load of 1st Edition Star Trek Adventures books that I didn't have (not that I had any of them). I love Star Trek, and had the opportunity to work as Line Developer for the initial creative burst on the line until juggling a day job with line-developing became too much and I had to drop out (paying the bills meant I had to stick to the day job, which was absolutely gutting).
It's that time of the year again, or at least it will be in August. #RPGaDAY returns for 2024. We didn't think it was going to happen - it's been a particularly crappy year so far, but we've hastily cobbled together some prompts to get you all talking in a positive way about tabletop gaming throughout August.
If this is your first time, every day through August look at the prompt and write, blog, vlog, podcast, draw, craft, or anything as a response. If you don't like the full question, for example on Day 3 the prompt is "Most often played RPG", the word 'often' is in bold and you can use just that word as the prompt if you like to talk about something else.
There's an alternative question at the end as well, just in case. For a true alternative, if you don't like any of those prompts, keep reading...
Below are the prompts in plain text, and hopefully the translations into various languages.
1 - First RPG bought this year
2 - Most recently played
3 - Most often played RPG
4 - RPG with great art
5 - RPG with great writing
6 - RPG that is easy to use
7 - RPG with 'good form'
8 - An accessory you appreciate
9 - An accessory you'd like to see
10 - RPG you'd like to see on TV
11 - RPG with well supported one-shots
12 - RPG with well supported campaigns
13 - Evocative environments
14 - Compelling characters
15 - Great character gear
16 - Quick to learn
17 - An engaging RPG community
18 - Memorable moment of play
19 - Sensational session
20 - Amazing adventure
21 - Classic campaign
22 - Notable non-player character
23 - Peerless player
24 - Acclaimed advice
25 - Desirable dice
26 - Superb screen
27 - Marvellous miniature
28 - Great gamer gadget
29 - Awesome app
30 - Person you'd like to game with
31 - Game or gamer you miss
Alternative - Amazing anecdote
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If you don't like any of those prompts, yes I know they were a bit last minute, you can go with a completely different #RPGaDAY set of prompts. Suggested by Skala Wyzwania, these prompts are really cool and there's even a cool graphic for that version as well.
Just look at the day on the left, pick the theme, then roll d10 to discover what you should do with that prompt on the day!
So very cool, thank you Skala.
Text version of the alternative campaign:
1 - Runes
2 - Forest
3 - Demonology
4 - Cosmos
5 - Fairies
6 - Portal
7 - Forgotten City
8 - Experiment
9 - Heroes
10 - Steampunk
11 - Invasion
12 - Parallel Worlds
13 - Zombie
14 - Awakening
15 - Genetics
16 - Dungeon
17 - AI
18 - Curse
19 - Hologram
20 - Battle
21 - Disaster
22 - Interdimensional Space
23 - Ritual
24 - Antique
25 - Mutant
26 - Tattoo
27 - Shapeshifting
28 - Mimic
29 - Knight
30 - Trap
31 - Dragons
Each day roll d10 to go with the prompt
Result
1 - Describe a Monster
2 - Create an NPC
3 - Write a Bulletin Board Quest
4 - Invent an Item
5 - Write a legend or rumour
6 - Create a random table
7 - Create a simple mechanic
8 - Present an idea for a Random Encounter
9 - Write an Eavesdroppable Dialogue
10 - Draw!
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French Translations - thank you to Francois Letarte
1 - Premier jeu de rôle acheté cette année
2 - Jeu de rôle le plus récemment joué
3- Jeu de rôle joué le plus souvent
4 - Jeu de rôle comprenant des illustrations grandioses
5 - Jeu de rôle bien écrit
6 - Jeu de rôle facile à utiliser
7 - Jeu de rôle bien organisé
8 - Un accessoire jdr apprécié
9 - Un accessoire jdr que tu aimerais qu'il existe
10 - Jeu de rôle que tu aimerais voir à la télévision
11 - Jeu de rôle avec de bons scénarios pour séances uniques
12 - Jeu de rôle avec de bonnes campagnes
13 - Un environnement de jeu évocateur
14 - Des personnages convaincants
15 - Un bon équipement pour un pj
16 - Jeu de rôle rapide à apprendre
17 - Une communauté jdr attrayante
18 - Un moment de jeu mémorable
19 - Une séance sensationnelle
20 - Une aventure incroyable
21 - Une campagne classique
22 - Un pnj notable
23 - Un joueur hors pair
24 - Un conseil acclamé
25 - Un dé désirable
26 - Un super écran de mj
27 - Une figurine merveilleuse
28 - Un bon gadget pour joueur
29 - Une application incroyable
30 - Une personne avec qui t'aimerais jouer
31 - Jeu ou joueur qui te manque
L'alternative au rpgaday classique. Premièrement prenez le mot du jour :
1 - Runes
2 - Forêt
3 - Démonologie
4 - Cosmos
5 - Fées
6 - Portail
7 - Cité oubliée
8 - Expérience
9 - Héros
10 - Steampunk
11 - Invasion
12 - Mondes parallèles
13 - Zombies
14 - Éveil
15 - Génétiques
16 - Donjon
17 - IA
18 - Malédiction
19 - Hologramme
20 - Bataille
21 - Désastre
22 - Espace interdimensionnel
23 - Rituel
24 - Antique
25 - Mutant
26 - Tattoo
27 - Change forme
28 - Imitateur
29 - Chevalier
30 - Piège
31 - Dragons
Ensuite, chaque jour, roulez un d10 et ajoutez le résultat au mot du jour :
1 - Décrire un monstre
2 - Créer un pnj
3 - Écrire une annonce pour un babillard de quêtes
4 - Créer un objet
5 - Écrire une légende ou une rumeur
6 - Créer une table aléatoire
7 - Créer une mécanique de jeu simple
8 - Proposer une idée pour une rencontre aléatoire
9 - Écrire un dialogue entendu secrètement
10 - Dessiner
---
Spanish version - translation thanks to Roberto Micheri -
Si es tu primera vez, todos los días de agosto mira la sugerencia y escribe, haz un blog, vlog, podcast, dibuja, haz manualidades o lo que sea como respuesta. Si no te gusta la pregunta completa, por ejemplo, en el Día 3 la pregunta es "RPG (juego de rol) más jugado", la palabra "más" está en negrilla y puedes usar sólo esa palabra como respuesta si quieres hablar de otra cosa.
También hay una opción alternativa al final, por si acaso. Si no te gusta ninguna de estas sugerencias, sigue leyendo.
Primer RPG comprado este año
RPG jugado más recientemente
RPG más jugado
RPG con gran arte
RPG muy bien escrito
RPG fácil de usar
RPG con "buena forma"
Un accesorio que aprecies
Un accesorio que te gustaría ver
RPG que te gustaría ver en televisión
RPG con “one-shots” bien respaldados
RPG con campañas bien sustentadas
Entornos evocadores
Personajes fascinantes
Gran equipamiento para los personajes
Rápido de aprender
Una comunidad RPG cautivadora
Momentos de juego memorables
Sesión sensacional
Aventura increíble
Campaña clásica
Notable personaje no jugador (NPC)
Jugador sin igual
Aclamados consejos
Dados deseables
Magnífica pantalla
Maravillosa miniatura
Excelente artilugio para “gamers”
Impresionante aplicación (app)
Persona con la que te gustaría jugar
Juego o jugador que echas de menos
Alternativa - Una anécdota sorprendenteSi no te gusta ninguno de estas sugerencias, ya sé que son de última hora, puedes optar por un conjunto de temas para #RPGaDAY completamente diferente. Sugeridas por Skala Wyzwania, estas ideas son muy divertidas e incluso hay un gráfico muy atractivo para esta versión.
Sólo tienes que mirar el día a la izquierda, elegir el tema y tirar un d10 para descubrir qué deberías hacer con ese tema ese día.
Genial, gracias Skala.
Runas
Bosque
Demonología
Cosmos
Hadas
Portal
Ciudad olvidada
Experimento
Héroes
Steampunk
Invasión
Mundos paralelos
Zombis
Despertar
Genética
Mazmorra
IA (inteligencia artificial)
Maldición
Holograma
Batalla
Desastre
Espacio interdimensional
Ritual
Antiguo
Mutante
Tatuaje
Transformación / Cambiar de forma
Mimeto (Mimic)
Caballero
Trampa
Dragones
Cada día tira un d10 para seguir la sugerencia
Resultado
Describe un monstruo
Crea un personaje no jugador (NPC)
Escribir una misión para el tablón de anuncios
Inventar un objeto
Escribe una leyenda o un rumor
Crear una tabla al azar
Crear una mecánica sencilla
Presentar una idea para un encuentro aleatorio
Escribir un diálogo escuchado a escondidas
¡Dibuja!
---
German Translation @ScarSacul @drachenzwinge Deutsche Übersetzung #RPGaDay2023 #pnpde
1. ERSTES RPG welches du dieses Jahr gekauft hast 2. LETZTES RPG welches du gespielt hast 3. Dein AM HÄUFIGSTEN gespieltes RPG 4. RPG mit tollen ILLUSTRATIONEN 5. Großartig GESCHRIEBENES RPG 6. EINFACH spielbares RPG 7. RPG im guten FORMAT 8. Ein ZUBEHÖR das du wertschätzt 9. Ein Zubehör welches du gerne sehen MÖCHTEST 10. Ein RPG welches du gerne VERFILMT sehen möchtest 11. Ein RPG welches ONESHOTS gut unterstützt 12. Ein RPG welches KAMPAGNEN gut unterstützt 13. Eindrucksvolle UMGEBUNGEN 14. Überzeugende CHARAKTERE 15. Hervorragendste Charakter AUSRÜSTUNG 16. SCHNELL zu erlernen 17. Eine engagierte RPG COMMUNITY 18. ERINNERUNGSWÜRDIGER RPG Moment 19. Sensationelle BEGEGNUNG 20. Tolles ABENTEUER 21. Klassiker KAMPAGNE 22. Bemerkenswerter Nichtspieler-CHARAKTER 23. Unvergleichbare/r SPIELER/IN 24. Anerkannter RATSCHLAG 25. Begehrenswerter WÜRFEL 26. Super SPIELLEITERSCHIRM 27. Wunderbare MINIATUR 28. Tolles Gamer GADGET 29. Großartige APP 30. PERSON mit der du gerne spielen möchtest 31. Spiel oder Spieler/in die du VERMISST ?. ALTERNATIV: Besondere Anekdote
Wähle oder Würfle mit einem W10 für jeden Tag für die Queste:
1. Beschreibe ein Monster 2. Erschaffe einen NSC 3. Schreibe einem Abenteueraushang 4. Erfinde einen Gegenstand 5. Schreibe eine Legende oder Gerücht 6. Erstelle eine Zufallstabelle 7. Erstelle eine einfache Spielmechanik 8. Präsentiere eine Idee für eine Zufallsbegegnung 9. Schreibe einen belauschbaren Dialog 10. Zieh!
#RPGaDay #pnpde Deutsche Übersetzung
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Portuguese translation by João EC Brasil editor of the Brazilian RPG blog Confraria dos RPGs.
1 – Primeiro RPG comprado este ano 2 – RPG jogado mais recentemente 3 – RPG mais jogado 4 – RPG com ótima arte 5 – RPG com ótima escrita 6 – RPG fácil de usar 7 – RPG com ‘boa forma’ 8 – Um acessório que você aprecia 9 – Um acessório que você gostaria de ver 10 – RPG que você gostaria de ver na TV 11 – RPG que suporta bem one-shots 12 – RPG que suporta bem campanhas 13 – Ambientes evocativos 14 – Personagens atraentes 15 – Ótimo equipamento de personagem 16 – Rápido para aprender 17 – Uma comunidade de RPG envolvente 18 – Momento memorável de jogo 19 – Sessão sensacional 20 – Aventura incrível 21 – Campanha clássica 22 – NPC notável 23 – Jogador incomparável 24 – Conselhos aclamados 25 – Dados desejáveis 26 – Escudo do Mestre excelente 27 – Miniatura maravilhosa 28 – Ótimo dispositivo gamer 29 – Aplicativo incrível 30 – Pessoa com quem você gostaria de jogar 31 – Jogo ou jogador que você sente falta
It's the end of June, the last day of the first half of a terrible year.
For the last year, possibly longer, I've been lost. Wondering what I'm doing with my life. Have I made the right decisions? Am I really any good at my job? Should I just have stayed in retail?
I've been working hard, but found - both in work and in leisure - it difficult to focus, to find enjoyment in anything. I've been stressed, tired, and discovered recently that all this sitting on my ass and stress-eating jellybeans / downing cups of tea has lead to the wonderful Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis.
And then, things got even worse. Just as the stress was mounting, deadlines were looming, we lost someone close. My mother-in-law passed away last week.
She wasn't well, and the last few days were hard. My lovely wife spent every moment by her side, keeping her company, telling her she was loved. I arrived at the hospital to join them just in time.
Needless to say I've not been about since, spending a lot of time at my mother-in-law's house or on the train. It's a difficult time, and I've been concentrating on doing all of the paperwork and necessary involved after such a loss, as I was named in her Will as the one to handle such formal things.
With the mass of paperwork, looking after my wife in such a difficult time (along with making sure she recovers from the fatigue/dehydration from maintaining a constant vigil for days), and the tremendous guilt at deserting my day job just as deadlines were looming... the last thing I wanted to think about what the future held, what to do next, how to return to work, and if #RPGaDAY was even going to happen this year.
I hope you understand.
And here we are, the end of June, the end of a horrible 'half-year', and we can only hope that the rest of the year improves.
#RPGaDAY will return in August, but hopefully with a little extra help so that I can concentrate on other things.
I'd like to say "I'm back", but not quite. Sorta back for now...
It's the middle of the year and about the time when my thoughts turn to the approaching #RPGaDAY in August. At least it would be if I could actually concentrate on anything at the moment. Things are rough at the moment - a combination of deadlines, stress, health issues, and family worries means I really don't think I'm going to be up for #RPGaDAY this year - at least not hosting it.
My partner in crime/gaming, the legendary Runeslinger, is going through an equally rough time at the moment, so it would be unfair to pass the heavy lifting of RPGaDAY hosting onto him.
HOWEVER, all is not lost - I've reached out, and there is hope. I'm just waiting to hear if some stand-in hosts would be up for spreading the positivity in August. As soon as I know, you'll know, and I'll spread the word.
I have a very distinct memory. It must have been the summer of 1977, and my dad had gone away for a few days on a training course. It didn't happen often, usually once a year or so, but working in mental health I'm sure he had to keep up to date with what was happening with nursing treatments and stuff. He rarely talked about it. Anyway, he'd been away for a few days, and came home with a gift for me. I was, like, nine years old, so getting a new toy was always awesome, but I don't think my dad realised how much of an impact he was going to have.
He handed me two carded figures – R2-D2 and Chewbacca – and said that he had no idea what they were but the guy in the toy shop said that they were going to be big. They looked really cool, and the Star Wars name at the top of the card flagged something in my memory.
That summer, 2000AD had produced their "Summer Special Supercomic", a big version of their regular weekly comic with some extra features, some longer stories, and all the 'thrill-power' you could handle. Kinda designed to take with you when you go on holiday, keep the kids quiet for the trip or something. But there was a feature in there with some early photos was a feature on Star Wars.
The facts were wildly out in some cases, but the photos were cool, and 2000AD was saying that the movie was going to be really something special. 2000AD was like the bible of cool at the time, and if they said something was going to be good, and the guy in the toy shop said it was going to be big, I needed to know more.
I opened those two figures carefully (my mum suggested cutting the tops of the blisters to slide the figures out so they could go back in once I'd finished playing with them). They were amazing. I had no idea who these characters were, or what they were going to do, but they were great. But the back of the card said there were another ten figures...
It was the start of my obsession and love of Star Wars. I eventually completed my set of the first twelve, then the next six, and so on. That summer, my dad bought me the oversized Star Wars comic adaptation (the first half of the movie), and we booked tickets to see it (though there was only one cinema nearby that was showing it – the Dorchester, a long closed movie theatre that opened to just show Star Wars, three times a day, for about six months). We had to book so far in advance, it wouldn't be until early 1978 that we went to see it, and seeing the film just cemented my love of Star Wars even more.
Those figures, however. No matter how simple, how un-lifelike they were, they were my childhood. I was Luke Skywalker, and could create my own Star Wars adventures with them.
They went on holiday with me. My fondest holiday memory is of a small self-catering cottage in the middle of a huge forest in the Borders of Scotland, near Hawick. Access with down a muddy path you could drive through, and on two sides of the cottage there was nothing but trees, with farmland and fields on the other. It was so quiet. By day I would wander around the forest, my stick of choice became my lightsaber, pretending I was training to become a Jedi. In the evening, I'd retreat to my small room, with my Star Wars figures, making more stories, listening to the soundtrack tape I had (not the official one, I couldn't afford that, so I had "The Sounds of Star Wars by the Sonic All-Stars" on tape).
Another holiday we had was in North Wales, where most of the time I'd hide in my room playing Star Wars, trying to block out the sounds of my parents watching The Omen and trying to ignore the fact that the self catering cottage we'd rented was right next to a cemetery. I spent those two weeks saving my 'holiday money' as a local toy shop had a snowspeeder in the window. The day before we left, I got my snowspeeder, completely unaware that it was supposed to make sounds. How was I to know, we didn't have internet or anything. I just thought it lit up and that was it... oh well.
I mean, I had other toys. Lego, Scalextric, and so on, but those Star Wars figures were everything.
Until I discovered roleplaying games. I mean, I loved Star Wars, and my two biggest interests collided when West End Games brought out the Star Wars RPG, but by that time all of my 'play' was either D&D and Runequest, or on the ZX Spectrum. Those figures were sitting on the shelves, still carded (as my mum's advice always held)... and I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
I sold them.
There must have been about 40 figures, the snowspeeder, landspeeder, and a tauntaun (without opening stomach). What the hell was I thinking? This must have been about 1984, just as we moved house. I was thinking I was all grown-up and nonsense, and someone local to me got themselves a bargain.
And I regretted it ever since.
For the last twenty-plus years I've regretted it so much I'd find myself looking on Ebay at replacing my collection and swearing at the prices. I could never afford them, not without that elusive lottery win. I'd see the odd one here and there in shops for about £20 each, but even then they'd be faded, without their guns, and I'd never be too sure if they were real or dodgy knock-offs. I was never going to replace them...
It was my birthday last month, and I'd learned that Hasbro had done something remarkable. They'd remade those original figures, carded in a very similar way to them, and released the original twelve in two packs of six. My lovely wife bought me the first set (Han, Chewie, Luke, Leia, Vader, Stormtrooper) and I bought the other six (Obi-Wan, Threepio, Artoo, Tusken Raider, Jawa, Death Squad Commander).
It was like being ten years old again. The muscle memory kicked in, and just holding them brought back all of the memories of my childhood. The way Han doesn't stand very well, or hold his blaster. The clicky head on Artoo to make 'bleep bloop' noises. The slidey lightsabers that go up the characters arms.
I have to say it was slightly emotional. It was like that moment when my dad first handed the figures to me. All those memories came flooding back. Sitting at the back of the Dorchester cinema (as that was the only place they'd allow a wheelchair for my mum to park) but being so far back the very top of the screen was cut off from view by the balcony – and my mum almost leaping out of her seat as the Star Destroyer first loomed overhead...
Or us dressing up as the characters for the town carnival, with my dad wearing a carved up black bucket on his head to be Darth Vader.
Reading the novel-sized paperback of the comic adaptation of The Empire Strikes Back not believing they could make those AT-ATs appear on screen... and not believing the revelation of Luke's father in the final act...
This week it was my birthday. I'm very old. At least, I feel it sometimes. And usually, when a birthday comes along, I'm kinda happy for the day to go by with as little fuss as possible.
However, this year my lovely wife insisted that (a) I took the day off from work, and (b) did 'something'. So, after four-plus years of not venturing to the cinema we finally made the effort and braved the public to take in the new Ghostbusters movie - Frozen Empire.
Okay, disclaimer time – I love Ghostbusters. I always have. I was obsessed with the first movie, saw it when it first came out (in the UK) forty years ago, bought the film on rental VHS from my local video store when it first came out (costing me a pretty penny, saved up over many weeks), and leapt at the opportunity to play the tabletop RPG from WEG. I've written about my love of Ghostbusters many times on this blog, and how it was the game that inspired me to get into game writing. So, you know it has a lot of meaning for me.
Ghostbusters: Afterlife was a revelation. An incredibly emotional lega-sequel, and I loved it. Always felt it kinda just ended, and needed more and thankfully Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire did just that.
No major spoilers, but I must say I may not be the best person to review this. The opening titles came up and I was already getting overly emotional. I love the characters. Mckenna Grace is flippin' brilliant as Phoebe, and the writers made the very smart decision to make her the focus of the story. I was particularly interested in the subplot about what happens to all of the ghosts?
It was the only thing that has really bugged me about the series as a whole – what does happen to them all, do they all just get stuffed in the containment grid and it fills up? It's something I tried to cover in Spirits in Manhattan, where the ghosts are captured, contained, and the characters try to either resolve the ghosts' issue that's tying them to this world, or exorcise them completely. It was great to see that issue covered in this movie, though I'd like to see them try to 'resolve' more ghost issues in the future, rather than just shoving them in a bigger box and hoping they don't get out.
Anyway, I digress. Plenty of nods to the older movies, and even the cartoon series I was suitably obsessed with - probably not something an 18-year old should be obsessed with. Cool new villain, some great new characters (Nadeem was great, but then Kumail Nanjiani usually is) and some upgrades to the tech.
I have to confess, once again, I loved every second of this. While it didn't have the emotional punch in the gut that Ghostbusters: Afterlife had – and let's face it, it could be tricky to do that every movie – it was everything I really wanted from a Ghostbusters movie. I feel like there may be too many characters now, and it'd be great to focus even more on the new Spenglers in future movies, and I really hope there's more.
I had the notification come through from my domain host that the domain for this website had auto-renewed and I've paid for it for the next couple of years. Just as I was about to delete the whole thing and go into hiding.
So I'd better use it!
I had a moment of clarity a few days ago, wondering why I was in such a funk. I suddenly realised that it's the typical frustrations of a creative mind.
When I was working in retail, as I had for twenty years, a lot of it was okay, and there were some moments where it was absolutely horrific. But while I was there, I had the release in the evenings and on days off, of writing roleplaying games, making stupid videos, writing fiction, and so on, to keep me sane.
I dreamed of an escape, to get out of retail, to do what I wanted, and to create stuff...
"It didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, it didn't out the way you wanted it, did it?" - NIN
Now I'm out of retail, and I'm doing creative stuff during the day - albeit not necessarily the creative stuff that still bubbles away at the back of my head. However, when the working day finishes I don't have that creative release of doing something personal. I could - as long as it's not RPG related - but that restriction sometimes just makes me want to sit and stare into space or hide.
I could do something outside of RPGs, but the idea of spending another couple of hours in front of the computer in the evening is off-putting, and my drawing skills have severely diminished since the ol' comic drawing days (not that they were very good then either). I'm sure many artists have the same problem where you look at the page, picture what you want to produce, and when you actually put pencil to paper it is just a mess or nothing like what you had in mind. I get frustrated and give up, returning to the 'stare into space/TV' mentality which I know isn't good for me.
What's the solution? I seriously considered going back to retail recently, until a good friend said to me "Friends don't let friends go back to retail".
It's been a long time since I wrote a blog post. I think the last one was just after Christmas when I was in the middle of my obsession with Alan Wake. Since then, many things have happened, including the demise of my beloved laptop. Ah, my poor beauty. I bought that MacBook Pro with the money I inherited when my mother died and it has served me well for the last eleven-plus years. I'm hoping to get it fixed in the future - after all, it's always good to have something with a CD/DVD drive.
Otherwise, things have not been great. I mean, around me things are okay - I'm relatively healthy (despite being unfit), and things are happy at home. But I'm just questioning everything I'm doing. What the hell I'm actually doing with my life, and whether I made the right choices over the last 20+ years.
I'm doubting my work, whether what I'm doing is any good and whether, in the grand scheme of things, it's worth it.
I'm doubting what I do in my spare time - I just seem to spend all my time doomscrolling or playing stupid match games on my phone and finding it incredibly hard to be enthusiastic about anything. There have been TV series that I've managed to watched (A Shop for Killers was awesome, and I really enjoyed S4 of True Detective), but I can't concentrate on reading a book (I have about five on the go and just can't find the urge to go back to them). I haven't read a comic since I read "DIE". I miss comics, even if I can't afford them.
The internet is driving me nuts. As Scully said, it's not good for you. I made some unboxing videos which no one watched. Half of my followers on social media are bots or spam. I don't recognise a lot of people I'm friends with on Facebook, and no one really follows me on Bluesky or Threads.
Hell, I get about 100 people look at this blog.
I don't know if it's just my frame of mind at the moment, but my domain is due for renewal soon and I'm wondering if I should bother. I had the urge to delete all of my Youtube videos on my channel.
But I'm not going to - yet.
I think I just need some time away from it all.
So this is just me saying, don't panic. I'm taking a break. Time out from the world, as they say. Just going to have some me time.
Let's start this post with a little disclaimer. I don't play a lot of video games anymore. I've just found that (a) I don't have enough time, and (b) I'm rather terrible at them. I do still love video games, and I was obsessed enough with some games to actually 100% them - LA Noire, I'm looking at you. Fond memories of trying to sit in every type of car in the game to get that last achievement.
My problem is, I often get too involved in the story and empathise too much with the little character on the screen I'm controlling. I could just about handle Halo and its sequels, and the lead characters in games like GTA4 and 5 were not pleasant. The tension was there, but if they came to a horrible end it wasn't too traumatic.
The most recent game I played and completed was Life is Strange - a perfect game of moral choices, hard decisions, and brilliant storytelling, but already that was edging too close to my empathising. I really felt for Max, and that's the genius of the game. Those decisions were hard, VERY hard, and any stealth parts had my palms sweating because I cared about the characters.
And that's the problem, especially when it comes to horror games. I can watch a horror film no problem, but when I'm actually controlling the protagonist in such dire and terrifying situations it often results in me throwing the controller to the ground with a resounding chorus of 'Nope!'
And that brings me to Alan Wake. Man, I loved Alan Wake. I saw the previews before the first game came out and I was immediately hooked. I mean, I'd played the first two Max Payne games and completed them, so when it came to Alan Wake I bought the collector's edition even if the Deerfest T-shirt was too small for me. I bought the guide with the cool artbook. I immersed myself in that game. It was everything that I loved - Stephen King, Twin Peaks, weirdness. Yes!
However, I never finished it. I got to a point, got stuck, and I just couldn't get past it. I'm just rubbish at games. Didn't stop me loving the game though. I watched gameplay videos and saw how it finished, and marvelled at it.
And then Control happened. Again, amazing concept, super-weird, almost like they read my mind. I mean, secretive government agency looking at weird happenings? It was punching those X-Files buttons hard, and when you go into those early rooms at the FBC and there are people just hanging in mid-air, suspended by unseen forces, that's just an amazing visual.
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Why am I writing about all of this? Well, after many, many years, Remedy released Alan Wake 2. Unfortunately for me, it's only on what I'd call 'next gen consoles' (though they've been around long enough for everyone else to call them 'current generation'. Yeah, I'm still on an XBox One...).
I watched the trailers, got really excited, and while I've been unable to actually play it (and, let's face it, it's bloody scary and I'd be rubbish at it - throwing my controller down with a 'Nope!' at the first 'dead' screen or jumpscare) I've been avidly following the design, creation and actual play of the game. Once again, I've just been marvelling at the execution of the game. Remedy have a clear and definite vision (I'm not sure if this is just Sam Lake, or a team decision) but it's absolutely phenomenal and stunning.
Again, tapping into all of the things I love in narrative fiction and games - FBI agents investigating weirdness in small towns, dreamlike realities that can be distorted and changed, strange cults, paranormal forces... it's everything I'd want from media, whether this is video games, tabletop gaming, or TV/movies.
Here's what really stood out to me as being particularly amazing:
1) Saga's Case Board
Half of Alan Wake 2 is following Alan Wake's attempts to escape the Dark Place, but the other half follows FBI Special Agent Saga Anderson as she investigates a ritual murder that may tie into similar cases that happened thirteen years ago. Yes, Bright Falls is ticking the Twin Peaks boxes for me, but the actual gameplay mechanic of Saga going into her 'mind place' to theorise about the cases is absolutely genius. There, acting like Sherlock's 'mind palace', you can look at clues, and (like Frank Black in Millennium) really put yourself into the minds of the suspects or witnesses and discover additional theories by questioning these imagined versions of the people you encounter.
And then there's the case board, where you take the clues, and revelations from your theories, and put them on a massive wall chart, pinned and connected with red string. As you discover clues, you add them to the wall, working out how things are connected. This is put to chilling effect towards the end of the game where Saga is trapped in her own mind place, the clues forming her own self-doubt and the player has to uncover evidence that Saga is capable and strong enough to escape.
2) Dream Logic
The Dark Place in which Alan Wake finds himself trapped is a weird version of New York, his apartment building, a nearby movie theatre, the TV studios of the mysterious Mr. Door, and the streets in between, but these bleed through into Saga's reality as she explores Bright Falls and the Cauldron Lake area in places called Overlaps.
There are some amazingly creepy scenes of walking around the same corridors over and over again (a trick that those familiar with Max Payne will recognise) following a dream logic – trapped in a loop (or is it a spiral?) where things change ever so slightly each time you loop. I wonder if Max Payne's nightmarish return to his home inspired the legendary experience that was PT – the teaser for the unmade 'Silent Hills'?
But there's an even more fluid element of dream logic in the Dark Place, as Alan can rewrite the scenario and experience a location in a very different way, depending upon whether he's seeing the location as part of a cult-investigation story, a murder case, or something else. Alan's version of the case board is a writer's plot board, and he can change the story, drastically changing his surroundings with the strange echoes of typewriter keys being struck. Brilliant.
A few of the playthroughs I've watched I've seen a bit of confusion about changing the environment with the plot board as well as using the light switch. Must admit, I got a little lost in places following what they needed to do, but that may just be me. But hey, that's a kinda realistic depiction of dream logic.
3) Herald of Darkness
I couldn't write about Alan Wake 2 without mentioning that level. Let's start this with another disclaimer – I'm not a fan of musicals. In my head, Buffy was perfect, and nothing can come close, but there's a chapter in Alan Wake 2 where Alan is trapped in Mr Door's chat show and it turns into the most bizarre musical number – all, while you're running around the studio and scenes from the video above play on gigantic screens, and the shadowy entities are attacking, reliving some events of the first game.
Heck, it's glorious. I loved the soundtrack to both games, and a real highlight of both (besides the excellent inclusion of tracks by Poe) is the in-game fictional band, Old Gods of Asgard. In reality, Poets of the Fall, their music has appeared in other Remedy games (I'm looking at you Control), but the music is great, and bloody infectious. I've had Herald of Darkness going around my head for weeks, so much so that my lovely wife bought me the Old Gods of Asgard album (Rebirth) for Christmas. The Poet and the Muse from Alan Wake 1 is brilliant, and I heartily recommend checking out their music.
This culminated in the recent Game Awards where the band played live, complete with the actors from the game (and voice talent) joining in. The last moments when Remedy director and writer Sam Lake is on stage, as his character Alex Casey, dancing the same routines as in the game, the look on his face is of someone who is loving every moment of it, and it's a level of job enjoyment and achievement that, let's face it, we all strive and hope for.
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Part of me could go on about the seamless integration between live-action and video game, the perfectly crafted story, the realistic moment when Alan is pursued by the dark entity and is running through corridors looking over his shoulder shouting 'f*** off!', or the genius move of adding more connections to Control and developing the story by playing it through again – after all, it's not a loop, it is a spiral. But that would make this post incredibly long. It's already strange that I've become this enamoured and slightly obsessed with a game I haven't even played.
However, it is somewhat inspiring to see the game exist – sure it's a sequel, but in a world where I watch the big game presentations of what's coming out and just sit there saying 'shooter', 'shooter', over and over again, to see something with such a narrative, and a focus on investigation, it's refreshing and inspiring.
And this inspiration is something I'm hoping to look at in the new year, on how video games can inspire tabletop game design.
In the meantime, stay safe, stay creative, and stay in the light.
"The point comes in a man's life when he looks to the past to define himself, not just his future."
Picard
That line in Picard has really stuck with me for many months this year. As we come to the end of 2023, I can't help but look back on this last year and hope that it offers some insight into what the hell was going on, and what may be in store for the new year.
Last year wasn't so bad. Admittedly it started full of hope and optimism, promising "Big Things"(tm) that, as the year progressed, it was clear wouldn't not be coming to pass. The hope and optimism has faded, and the latter half of the year has been filled with a sense of going through the motions - Buffy would be proud.
Lovely beach
But it wasn't bad. The highlight may have been a trip back to my old hometown. To sit on that beach once more, to see familiar streets and parks, and a quieter pace of life that has left me eager to return... maybe on a more permanent basis. We're working on it at least.
We played some great games, watched good movies, and an awful lot of TV series (next year I'm actually going to keep track of everything I watch/read). And we had possibly the most active #RPGaDAY in August, as we celebrated its 10th anniversary.
As for next year? As The Stranglers so perfectly said it in the video above - 'Something Better Change'. One of these changes may have to be a new Mac (it's 11 years old now and incredibly slow), as well as other changes.
I have no idea what's ahead, I can't even begin to predict.
All I will say is that no matter where you are, I hope that 2024 brings peace, security, and happiness.
