Sunday, February 25, 2024

What the heck am I doing here?

It's been a long time since I wrote a blog post. I think the last one was just after Christmas when I was in the middle of my obsession with Alan Wake. Since then, many things have happened, including the demise of my beloved laptop. Ah, my poor beauty. I bought that MacBook Pro with the money I inherited when my mother died and it has served me well for the last eleven-plus years. I'm hoping to get it fixed in the future - after all, it's always good to have something with a CD/DVD drive. 

Otherwise, things have not been great. I mean, around me things are okay - I'm relatively healthy (despite being unfit), and things are happy at home. But I'm just questioning everything I'm doing. What the hell I'm actually doing with my life, and whether I made the right choices over the last 20+ years. 

I'm doubting my work, whether what I'm doing is any good and whether, in the grand scheme of things, it's worth it. 

I'm doubting what I do in my spare time - I just seem to spend all my time doomscrolling or playing stupid match games on my phone and finding it incredibly hard to be enthusiastic about anything. There have been TV series that I've managed to watched (A Shop for Killers was awesome, and I really enjoyed S4 of True Detective), but I can't concentrate on reading a book (I have about five on the go and just can't find the urge to go back to them). I haven't read a comic since I read "DIE". I miss comics, even if I can't afford them. 

The internet is driving me nuts. As Scully said, it's not good for you. I made some unboxing videos which no one watched. Half of my followers on social media are bots or spam. I don't recognise a lot of people I'm friends with on Facebook, and no one really follows me on Bluesky or Threads. 

Hell, I get about 100 people look at this blog. 

I don't know if it's just my frame of mind at the moment, but my domain is due for renewal soon and I'm wondering if I should bother. I had the urge to delete all of my Youtube videos on my channel. 

But I'm not going to - yet. 

I think I just need some time away from it all.

So this is just me saying, don't panic. I'm taking a break. Time out from the world, as they say. Just going to have some me time.

Stay safe everyone.


Carlos de la Cruz said...

Last week I used the phone for 27 (absolutely improductive) hours. I deleted my Twitter and Facebooks accounts months ago, but I still have a Mastodon account and several Telegram groups where I waste my time.

I'm trying to limit my time doomscrolling, but it's being really hard. Perhaps the answers is leaving the phone in a box, far from my hands as soon as I came home.

Smileymiler said...

There is a malaise in society, I think. Since covid many people have stayed locked down, stayed in, disappeared. The elephant in the room is the economic disaster that is Brexit but the land lacks leadership. Our government have continually shown themselves to be common criminals and the media is throttling free speech and real alternatives. We are being told that the world is dying and no one seems able or willing to do anything about it. We are being turned against our neighbours and everything is being turned binary, right or wrong, every opinion is divisive, there is no nuance, no kindness. The resilience of our hope and optimism has been worn away with banality and misery.
And I don't know what to do about it.
All I can think of is a walk in the sunshine. A hug from a loved one, but I just end up getting gently drunk watching 50 shades of shit on the telly...