Sunday, June 30, 2024

Semi-Annus Horribilis

It's the end of June, the last day of the first half of a terrible year. 

Still of the narrator from Fight Club in front of graffiti that says "I like myself"

For the last year, possibly longer, I've been lost. Wondering what I'm doing with my life. Have I made the right decisions? Am I really any good at my job? Should I just have stayed in retail? 

I've been working hard, but found - both in work and in leisure - it difficult to focus, to find enjoyment in anything. I've been stressed, tired, and discovered recently that all this sitting on my ass and stress-eating jellybeans / downing cups of tea has lead to the wonderful Type 2 Diabetes diagnosis. 

And then, things got even worse. Just as the stress was mounting, deadlines were looming, we lost someone close. My mother-in-law passed away last week.

She wasn't well, and the last few days were hard. My lovely wife spent every moment by her side, keeping her company, telling her she was loved. I arrived at the hospital to join them just in time. 

Needless to say I've not been about since, spending a lot of time at my mother-in-law's house or on the train. It's a difficult time, and I've been concentrating on doing all of the paperwork and necessary involved after such a loss, as I was named in her Will as the one to handle such formal things. 

With the mass of paperwork, looking after my wife in such a difficult time (along with making sure she recovers from the fatigue/dehydration from maintaining a constant vigil for days), and the tremendous guilt at deserting my day job just as deadlines were looming... the last thing I wanted to think about what the future held, what to do next, how to return to work, and if #RPGaDAY was even going to happen this year. 

I hope you understand.

And here we are, the end of June, the end of a horrible 'half-year', and we can only hope that the rest of the year improves. 

#RPGaDAY will return in August, but hopefully with a little extra help so that I can concentrate on other things. 

I'd like to say "I'm back", but not quite. Sorta back for now... 


Anonymous said...

You have endured, you are asking questions, that counts for more than you probably realise. Nothing remains static for long

Anonymous said...

You have endured and you are asking questions, that counts for a lot. Possibly more than you realise. Nothing remains static for long.

Anonymous said...

Sending internet hugs. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

Francie, I can empathise with you and your good lady, having list my own mother on May 11th. My advice is to neither dwell on the hardships of the past nor the hope for a better future, but to concentrate on the definite you have in your life.